55 and single. Oh dear.
In my twenties I simply went the nearest bar or pub and hung out. Nature took its course like pandas in captivity. Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. Remember that show? The common pick-up line from the fellas back then was, “Can I buy you drink?” Of course, he would only approach gals with this line who already had a drink in her hands. She would then reply, “I have one, thanks.” To which he would come back with, “So what’s your name?” And if she got a good vibe from him, she would reveal her real first name. If she got a shady vibe off him, she would tell him her name was Mary and that her friends are looking for her, or that her boyfriend is meeting her there and would be arriving shortly.
I have no idea how to meet men today. My brother told me to go back to the bar scene, but I hardly drink anymore after my stroke. Medication and wine to don’t really mix. Plus, what bar do solo women in their mid-50’s go to and not look desperate?
Back in the day women went to college and worked jobs to meet men. Honest to goth they did. Do they still do that? No clue. I’d love a job where I can meet eligible bachelors my age. What job is that I wonder? Where do single 50-something year old men go socially? No idea. The internet? No. Just no. Hard no. Been there. Done that. Battle scars to prove it.
The last man I tried to date, turns out he has Alzheimer’s and is looking for a woman to marry before it gets bad. When I was younger the concern was he’s already married and/or he has incurable VD. Today in my mid 50’s the concern is he secretly has Alzheimer’s and is looking to trap a nurse maid.
I have no idea what men go through as they get older. Aside from obvious declines like the desire for sex and socializing with strangers, I have no clue what’s going on in the minds of men after 50.
I have this platonic male friend. When we were (much) younger he was a very liberal minded guy. Long haired musician. We dated briefly but after a few months neither one of us was really all that into the other person, so we moved on romantically but stayed in touch over the years. Thirty years later, my friend is single again like me. He’s now in his 60’s. I casually asked him how the mother of his son is doing. Back when we were young the gal he dated after me got pregnant with his son. Their relationship was brief as so many of our relationships were in our 20’s and early 30’s, I never ask about her. She was kind of a sore subject for him. Their child was unplanned and he was just recovering financially from a divorce. Plus, they had already broken up by the time she learned she was pregnant. My friend’s son is an adult now and I found myself genuinely curious how she, the mother of his child, was doing. My friend said, “She married a lawyer. They live in (I forget where)” and I’m like, “Good for her. She seems to be doing well, right?” and then rather unexpectedly and angrily he replied, “Well she made off with thirty-thousand dollars from me in child support!” Oh dear. Say whatnow? I gently replied, “But that was 18 years of court appointed child support, right?” Right. “So it’s not really “making off with” it was money used to care for your son, right?” Right. “Whatever,” He grunted. I should have let it go after that but I didn’t. I should have let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Pick your battles. Pick your goddamn battles, boys and girls! Nope, I sure didn’t! Not this time. So I said, “I mean, you were 30 years old. You know where babies came from, yes? She’s not entirely to blame here.” …. Aaand now my friend and I haven’t spoken to each other since. It’s been about three weeks. He is MAD I had the nerve to point out the obvious. Fellas, if you get a woman pregnant and she takes you to court for child support, the only person you have to blame is YOURSELF. The same lecture goes to women. You have the right to choose. It’s your body. It’s your free will. You can choose to use birth control. You can also choose not to have sex. Not having sex is an option! Trapping a man to stay with you went out the window with wearing pearls to vacuum the floor. It’s entirely your choice, ladies. We all know where babies come from. Freedom of choice starts long before y’all get naked. Agreed? Agreed. My friend and his son are close. They see each other. My friend posts a ton of pics of them together online. They get together on holidays. Their relationship may not be perfect but worth 30K right? Right. It just rubs me the wrong way to hear a man describe child support as, “She got 30K out of me.” And it was only 30K. I paid more than that in legal fees to get divorced.
I have another platonic friend, someone I also dated back in the day when we both lived in Hollywood, CA. When we were both young and adorable. He now lives in South Carolina where he grew up. When we were in our 20’s he was also a musician and a very liberal minded thinking guy. Today at 58 years old he is a full blown angry man. A total and complete, “I fucking hate fags, and brown people but you’re okay” kind of guy. I have no idea what happened to him. None. He and I continued to pal around for years after we stopped dating back in 1995. I even knew the long time girlfriend he met after we romantically broke up. We were all in the same circle of friends. We all continued going to concerts, picnics, outings, dinners, etc, it was all good. In 2003 I got married and left our circle of friends. My then husband and I moved to the east coast. I lost touch. Shit happens. Then my platonic buddy in Hollywood turned 40-something and moved back to South Carolina where he turned into an angry, angry man. He takes care of his ailing mother and for whatever reason is now just full of (holy shit) rage. Did I mention he’s also a postal worker? Yes, he is! And while there are people who will blame his rage on politics, the south in general, or getting older, etc, I don’t think it’s that simple. I would like to know what made him so full of rage. I really would. I know a handful of men in my age bracket who are full of anger and rage, and I would really like to understand it. We’re the same age. We’re all going through the same shit generally speaking. We’ve all had that one medical emergency by now, we're all on the same prescription, we’re all divorced at least one time, we all buried a parent or both, our friends are getting sick, some have already died, we’re all still trying to recoup financial loss from one thing or another, and we’re all card-carrying AARP members. So why is there full-blown rage in some Gen X’ers and not in others?
I have no idea where to meet eligible men my age for dating. No idea. A guy who hasn’t already been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, where a first date can just be homemade sandwiched under the moon and stars and he got all his wild oats sown and just wants to grow blissfully old with someone else. Where do I meet him?
I’m going to end this blog by addressing the younger fellas. When it comes to dating, please make it work with people YOUR AGE. When younger and I mean 20’s, 30’s, and even men in their 40’s, when they come at me for anything intimate, I’m horrified. HORRIFIED. It just freaks me out. I married a man my age. I like men my age and up to ten years older. I just do. He and I will then have enough in common where he won’t drive me nutso talking about stuff, I have no idea what he’s saying. If I’m going to learn an entirely new language, it’s going to be one that is useful to me if I travel to that country. Tik Tok isn’t country! Not yet anyway. I’m not learning the language of Tik Tok. (Get off my lawn!)
Please bear in mind I'm a writer not an editor. I'm certain those who come here can read through my grammatical errors.
I asked myself a lot of rhetorical questions in this blog which is why I felt secure enough to also answer myself.
Thanks for the visit.
Lisa